On Loneliness

Loneliness is born out of the feeling of separation; there is me and the others. Especially in this time of social media, we are constantly seeing other peoples’ lives or what they choose to share of their lives and this adds to the overall feeling of being separated, disconnected, alienated. Even though we are seemingly connected through social media, technology and our devices, a feeling of loneliness can persist.

While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people. One can be surrounded by people and still be extremely lonely.

Solitude on the other hand is voluntary and welcomed something like a yoga retreat. People who enjoy spending time by themselves continue to maintain positive social relationships that they can return to when they crave connection. They still spend time with others, but these interactions are balanced with periods of time alone. This requires a certain level of the ultimate of relationship which is the connection with the Self. This can be quite challenging. Since loneliness is a symptom of the illusion of being separated or the lack of awareness to connection, we really ought to look at what connection is and how we can be connected.

Connection is something that is natural and inevitable. We do not have to try connect with anything or anyone, the one thing that hinders this is the idea, this notion in the mind that say “I am a separate, lone being, that I am not connected.” This is of course not true because we are innately connected to everything. Even in our very bodies we are connected to the plants, the Earth, the sun, our Ancestors. If we contemplate the physical bodies alone – the Annamayakosha – we are made of the food that we eat. The food that we eat is made up of plants, of earth, of water, of air, so if we really think about it we are made of all these elements, we are not different and separate from these, we are one and the same. It is hard to feel lonely when we sit with that knowledge. So, loneliness is really a lack of knowing about our connection to everything and everyone.

Because we are alive, we are interconnected with life, the whole universe. From this basic understanding we can then go to the need for human connection. Everyone has a need to be connected to others. Need implies that there is something missing. It could be mental, emotional, it could be physical. Most of the time it is an energetic need, we need a certain type of energy that makes us feel more complete, more balanced or alive, which is something that is completely natural. The first to do when this need arises is to become aware of this need, to watch it, and observe it, to let it live in the spaciousness of our awareness. If we are able to practice this awareness of the innate interconnection with all life, we are then able to feel that we are in fact already part of this life, this universe. 

Then we are also able to give space to watching our more human needs and accept them, not identifying with the need itself but rather being the observer of the needs and desires as they arise. With observation comes acceptance, when we are to accept that we have certain human needs, maybe it be a mental connection – e-g- having a stimulation conversation – emotional ­- a loving friendship – physical connection – wanting a partner – or a combination of three. Whatever it is, when we are able to just watch those needs and to know that they are there and that they are normal and that this is part of being a human being without being consumed by them, an energetic transformation happens in the body.

Firstly, we feel this connection to our Self more intensely and the loneliness subsides, since the perspective has transformed. From this we can take actions that are not driven by fear or compulsion or comparison. Actions that are based on our connection to ourselves, to the universe and with all beings. Healthy desire of connection to other persons, this way we are more understanding and we listen more to others. Connections that are not needing – something that people can sense and nobody like this kind of unpleasant connection.

When we have this connection to ourselves, connection to other beings is automatic, it is natural, we do not have to try. In fact, people will enjoy connecting with us, others will sense that you are someone that really listens and understand. That we are not having too many expectations. We do not project neediness or fearfulness.

The key to connection with others is to connect internally first, once we see this connection with the Self, this ability is extended outwards to others.

A consistent yoga practice is a great way to connect with the Self – the body, thoughts, emotions , feelings – and by connection, I mean you are able to be aware and accept the Self and this natural connection to everything and everyone. Accepting what is with complete compassion and loving kindness.

Join us in getting to know the Self and find deep and lasting connection to others.
Join our coming Yoga and Meditation Retreat here.